The Sunflower Chronicles

One thing I did whilst my sweet Monster was away for that very looooong week was plant a sunflower. I also planted cilantro and some yellow bell peppers but for the sake of this post, we'll just focus on the sunflower.

I had a long list of things I wanted to accomplish and me, being deadline driven, did most of them on Sunday afternoon. But really, does it matter when it got done or that it got done at all? I vote the latter.

My point is that the sunflower has already sprouted.

See it? See how it's lifting its little green head out from the soil? Amazing! I was not expecting such quick results but I have to say, this is very satisfying indeed. I lift Monster up to look at it every day. He is not nearly as into it as I am but, whatevs, he's only 2.

So I will be posting pictures of the sunflower's growth often. Like, every day.

Enjoy!

Just Plain Single

I have moved from being “practically single” to just plain single. I am mostly fine with this since the in between stage proved to be confusing and riddled with uncertainty and anxiety. I took that giant leap by making the decision to move out and then actually moving out. Not to sound cliché but, it’s been totally liberating.

And honestly, I don’t find being a single mom that much different than being a non single mom. I am still in charge of every single aspect regarding Monster while his dad takes care of him one day per week allowing me to sleep past 6:45.

All that changed this week though. This week Monster is with his dad. For the whole week. Just in case you’re not following, I have relinquished custody of my precious child to a man I never fully trusted to take care of him even while I was in the shower. For a whole week.

I am trying to view this time as an opportunity to improve myself on a few levels. First, I need to appreciate that Monster’s dad is willing to spend this kind of time with his son. This is good for Monster even though it’s like torture for me.

Second, I need to get a freakin’ life, for reals! I seriously don’t do anything outside of work, baby raising and Facebook. This cannot be healthy.

Third, maybe loosening my grip on Monster will inspire his dad to step up. Maybe all he needs is the opportunity. This is probably just wishful thinking though. Ugh, I’m backtracking!

Must. Move. Forward.

Fourth, I have the time to nurture some of my relationships that too often get ignored completely.

Fifth, I have the brain capacity and energy to write. So, you’re welcome!

Who am I kidding? I just want my kid back! Who needs relationships, hobbies, and shared parental responsibilities? I want evening snuggles, goodnight kisses and the first hand knowledge that my son is A-OK. The brief phone calls from my ex with updates that are meant to ease my worries only exacerbate them. It’s equally painful to me for Monster not to be missing me as it is to hear him crying for me in the background.

I can say, though, that not having to watch Caillou has been pretty sweet and perhaps makes this all worth it.

Happy Birthday Monster!

Today my baby turns two. I just feel so grateful. Grateful at how awesome he is and at how healthy he is.

A little more than two years ago, I was hospitalized so that the doctors could constantly monitor Monster’s heart rate. The little guy had gone and wrapped the umbilical cord around his neck and there was a chance that I would have to have an emergency C-section. Day after day and night after night of uncertainty and fear. Fear that he would have to be born too soon and what that would mean to his health and development or even if he would survive at all. Every day that he stayed in there I just came to admire him more and more. Before he was even born, he was the strongest person I knew and I was learning the lengths I would go to in order to protect him.

After two weeks, though, he untangled himself. I couldn’t believe it. Now he was the smartest person I knew and probably the most mischievous.

The day he was born was not only exciting and magical and miraculous but a huge relief as well. Finally I wasn’t the only person responsible for his well being!

I’m not going to say that the past two years have been easy but they have definitely been worth it.

Happy birthday to my gorgeous, genius, naughty and wonderful son! You are definitely keeping me on my toes!

Love,

MaMa

Epic Parenting Fail

I’m raising a willful child. My mother probably isn’t surprised to hear that, as she too raised a willful child. I thought it was just my sign but Monster (aptly nicknamed it seems now) isn’t a Taurus at all, but rather a Gemini. Maybe the twins are actually his split personality as one second he is snuggling me and holding my hand, and the next he is kicking at me because he doesn’t want to change out of his pajamas. Or maybe this sporadic willfulness is actually due to his sheer brilliance.

Friday evening Monster and I are enjoying the beautiful weather out on the deck. I’m sitting in a chair with my feet propped up and he’s having fun going in and out of the back door. I thought to myself, I better grab my keys in case he figures out how to use that lock. I get up, turn the handle and, nothing. The door won’t open. Of course he locked me out. Why wouldn’t he? He’s almost two and can figure out how to do anything by watching me do it once. He can’t, however, figure out how to unlock the door even with my prompting and he’s getting more and more upset by the second.

I have my phone but who am I going to call? I peer around the deck fence to see if my neighbor is outside on his deck. Negative, but his window is open, so I start yelling. I hear his dog barking but no sign of any creature with opposable thumbs.

I looked around to see if I could jump down to the ground. The deck is one story up and there are no stairs (obviously, otherwise I would’ve used them). I wanted to avoid breaking any bone(s) so I held off on that idea. Finally, I just started yelling, “Help!” It was beautiful out, someone had to be outside and within earshot.

About a minute later, a man’s face appeared around his fence, a few houses down. “Are you ok?”

I began to laugh. “Um, yeah, I’m kinda locked out of my house. Can you come let me in?” After a brief discussion on exactly which townhouse is mine, I see him coming through my unlocked front door (thankfully my forgetfulness and general idiocy saved me). He took a second to try to calm down Monster who, by this time, is in a full-fledged crying and screaming fit. And then he let me in. We introduced ourselves, shook hands, laughed a bit and then he was on his way.

The kicker of it is, Monster wasn’t crying and screaming because he was scared that he was separated from Mommy. He was pissed because he wanted to come outside and I “wouldn’t” open the door for him.

We went back out on the deck – yes, I brought my keys. This time, however, Monster wanted to be the one “locked out.” He kept walking me over to the door, insisting I go inside and shut it leaving him out there knocking. Yes, quite a fun game he invented. Can’t wait to play it again.

What Not To Wear

Despite the predictions for snow this week, I can still feel spring is in the air. The signs are everywhere. My car gets warmed by the sun while sitting in the parking lot all day. I don’t need to wear my scarf. I still dread getting out of bed in the morning but only because I'm tired, not because it's freezing cold out there.

While I welcome these changes, I’m still having issues because I’m not sure how to dress Monster. It’s two different worlds from morning until evening. And, of course, he’s inside running around with his little cohorts all day. That's three different dressing situations daily!

I’m always cold but I don’t think Monster inherited that disposition from me. At night, he pushes the covers off while I sleep in full sweat suit plus socks underneath several blankets and a comforter. During the day, I’m using a space heater and sometimes a blanket. He’s running around in a t-shirt. Choosing his clothes is difficult enough for me but throw in this wacky weather and I’m at a complete loss.

I like layers but that’s not easy on a toddler, especially mine who is entering Terrible Two territory and fights me on EVERYTHING.

In between seasons is also an in between size time for us. Monster is sporting some flood pants, but he’s too small for the next size and I don’t want to buy him any long pants right now because who knows how he’ll grow in the coming months? I guess I’m putting too much emphasis on fashion here but I know how people are judging me for what my kid is wearing and it’s easy to get caught up in sometimes. Of course, next to me, no matter what my kid is wearing, he looks like a fashion superstar.

What do you do this time of the year when it’s bitter cold in the mornings and seasonal in the evenings?

Food-topia

I used to have a life. I used to go out to dinner. I used to cook elaborate meals. I used to bake wonderful goodies. And now I mostly make mac and cheese and fish sticks.

But I’m trying, people. I’m trying to expand the Monster’s culinary horizons while making sure he doesn’t starve to death in protest. I’m trying to lose the baby weight (is it still baby weight after two years? Toddler weight maybe?) and still eat the foods that I like. I’d say I’m finding my balance and then something happens that throws a big ol’ monkey wrench in the works.

Click over to Dishing on Dishes (where I’m known as Em Chilada, foodie extraordinaire) to read more.

I Kicked Tantrum's Ass

I need more time with my son, plain and simple. More importantly, my son needs more time with me. I know this because he’s being very clear and vocal about it. I’ve been complaining about his tantrum throwing lately and, looking back, I’m feeling really bad about that because, after doing a lot of Internet research and consulting The Mommy Network, I realized Monster’s tantrums were his way of testing me. Yes, of course, there are other factors, but I decided this was the big one.

Recently I had been relinquishing my role as boss because I have been so exhausted by the time we got home after wrestling Monster into the car and his car seat. I think that caused him to panic and push me even further.

Yesterday I tried a new approach.



This is what I know:

·         He is going to throw a fit because he has to get in the car.

·         He is going to throw a fit because he has to get into his car seat.

·         He is going to throw a fit because there’s some toy or book or implement he absolutely must have but can’t reach and I’m driving so I can’t get it for him at exactly that second.

In order to deal with these inevitable events, I decided to give him a little more control.

·         I let him run down the driveway (holding my hand!). But he kept running, past the car and down the road. Diverting him back caused a bit of a problem but still not a major meltdown.



·         I let him crawl around the backseat of the car. I figured he would get in his seat when he was ready. I actually crawled back there with him and shut the door. I told him that he had to sit in his seat if he wanted to go home. Dada was at home, Dog Dog was at home, num num was at home. There were times he would get frustrated and I would tell him, “Look at mama,” (and he totally would!) and then I would explain what had to happen. Eventually (maybe after 10 minutes) he got up into his seat. However, when I went to buckle him in, he got upset, but not full-on meltdown upset.

·         After he was strapped in, I gave him his snack cup filled with Goldfish vanilla graham crackers and dried cranberries. He was happy. Seriously, the whole drive home, he didn’t scream or fuss or cry. It was awesome!

And his good mood and behavior lasted. There was a setback when we went to the neighbor’s to borrow her can opener but all I did was take him back into the house while I ran the errand.

A little after 7, he said, “Night night,” grabbed my hand, walked me over to the steps, climbed up, let me pick him up and walk him to his crib. Once there, he asked for Elmo and lay down in his bed to go to sleep.

In his bed he stayed until after 6 this morning when the steam from my shower set off the smoke alarm.



He is psyched to be in that car seat!